Seasons come and go. This past week marked the anniversary of one that has revealed so much, and not without sacrifice. Not without its share of of misplaced trust, rebuilding, disappointment, or revelation. Not without nightmares, whether by day or night. And to say the season has ended would be a lie. But how amazingly intricate God's plan really is, and how deep His love for us reaches... if I can even comprehend it. How mysterious (and sometimes terrifying) are His ways to us, but how perfect they are. The more I know, the more I thirst to understand, as it all seems to fit into one elusive, awesome equation.
Speaking of, isn't that what Steven Hawking has been after? We study and decipher the word of God, by peering backwards in time at scripture. Hawking took Pennrose's equations, reversed them, and applied them to the entire universe. He proved that the universe appeared out of one, single, tiny point. But try as he might, he couldn't explain how, or why. Nobody can. Everything came out of that point, everything has been governed by it since. Sounds familiar, doesn't it.
We can call this event a miracle. We can call it Genesis 1:1. We can call it Walter, or Ophelia. Whatever. But even if you could reduce it to a set of mathematical equations, it still begs Hawking's question of "What breathes fire into the equations to make a universe for the equations to describe?" The questions will keep coming, and the equations always have exceptions. In the mean time, I'll keep trying to figure out God, and He'll keep revealing how much we still need to learn ;-)
But what use is there in asking "why" or "how", as Hawking did. Knowing the origin of the absolute has no effect on the fact that it's still the absolute. Our lives aren't dependent on knowing it, and the absolute is unchanged by us. Hawking had his Pennrose equations to start from, or he'd be lost. Again, sound familiar? Somewhere along the lines of, oh, Matthew 22:36-40:
"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."All the law. For all the science, for all the music, for all the laughs and all the tears we cry, everything I learn about God and about how we're supposed to live and love life points back to accomplishing these verses. We can talk about moral relativism all day long, but we're all born with a sense of right and wrong for what makes this world a better place. As far as I can comprehend... all our actions; our words and all our decisions should boil down to these verses as the aim, in one form or another. Every healthy relationship points to this. Every Sunday sermon points to this. Some wonder why Christians place so much faith in Christ. And those verses were only a few of His words...
Honestly, that's not the heaviest thing on my heart, or my mind right now, but it probably should be. I'm good at redirection, at least. I debate with myself how effective I could be if I really opened up my life to pages on the internet like this... if my inner thoughts would reach anyone in need, in any small way. Compared to a decade, 2 decades ago... we've come a long way in communication. We've come a long way in how many people we can reach. And it'll keep on going... right now twitter is the hot topic. There's so much potential. But in spite of all the technology, in spite of how interconnected we've become, touching another person's life in a real way probably won't happen through a URL. It won't be hyperlinked. It'll be face to face.
And so for the moment I'm moving away from the online distractions. I've been attempting this for months, in small ways. I might even disappear from facebook (gasp), officially or unofficially. But there's many to reach, many to love, much to learn and change out there. Not here. I'm so thankful for so many amazing people in my life, but the quiet has revealed those who really care, who are meant to play a greater role in my life, as they were a light in my darkest days. It's also shone a light on those who need me... some I would have missed amongst all the noise.
I haven't felt real, haven't felt connected to anything, anyone, in so long. I haven't been able to give 100% to anything, for years. It's infinitely frustrating, as I know what drives me, what inspires and excites me, and I've been disconnected from those things for so long. I don't understand the why just yet, but as I've said earlier, the why isn't important... just that I'm now pointed in the right direction. And that's all that matters tonight. That, and someone special to share these thoughts, my heart, and this direction with. To a degree neither of us has know before. All in God's time. :D
We have one life, and every day is another chance to give back to the creator; the one who has given us so much. Science says it started with one big bang. Sounds like an appropriate start to something so awesome ;-)
