There was a boy... A very strange, enchanted boy

They say he wandered very far,
very far
over land and sea

A little shy
and sad of eye
But very wise
was he

And then one day
one magic day he passed my way
And while we spoke of many things
fools and kings
this he said to me...

The greatest thing
you'll ever learn
Is just to love
and be loved...

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and then, one not so very special day, I went to my typewriter...I sat down, and I wrote our story. A story about a time, a story about a place, a story about the people, but above all things... a story about love. A love that will live forever. The end.
~Moulin Rouge

I'll write our story here, when the strength comes to me. A story that deserves more than my own words, a story that deserved to just be a chapter... a choose your own adventure book that went awry, and you can't flip back. The ink is dry, and the book has been closed.

When all is said and done - when the lights have dimmed, the curtain’s fallen, and everyone’s gone home… I never learned just to Love, and be Loved... not the Love the Lord entrusted me to provide. I’ve gone through life imagining I could put God on my time, and that I could put my dedication to our future together on my selfish schedule. I went years running from what needed to change in our direction, believing that we were meant to be, so I could become the person she needs when the time was right… be the person God needed me to be when it was convenient to get to it. I mean I knew instinctively that she would be there always, right? God gave me 7 precious years to be transformed… to be ready for this gift. I knew where I wanted to be as a person and a companion, and I took it all for granted. I lost the Love of my life, the one I've known since day 1 that the Lord designed me to find, because I didn’t turn to Him for guidance. I put off what meant the most to me. I took those years from Him, and I took them from her.

In the blink of an eye I'm now almost 26. I'm going to live out my days to the fullest, if I can find the strength, doing what I can to glorify Him... without the one I’d searched my whole to be with me in doing so. I need to find the strength to accept that the dream is gone, the dream is only that now... a dream. And now do whatever I can, to be the hands of Christ in our world; to reach out to others with the fullness I always should have. To teach my heart to accept, that the days of looking deep into the eyes and heart of my God given companion in this world and knowing my other half is finally with me… that those most beautiful moments, are over. Empty my heart Lord, so that it might now be all for You.

I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now,
take it now
-Jars of Clay