Childhood Game Flashback

Anyone remember Mousetrap? zomg how did I NOT get involved in Rube Goldberg @ Purdue after this.

I think it was usually a lego knight or something with more personality than a little molded plastic mouse made in china (with 100% DV of lead! whee!) that made it into the trap.

I know there's a 1 in 100 chance that anyone ever actually waited til the end to set it off, but I think i managed to keep my brothers in line for awhile.

Then again, not losing any of the bajillion little pieces after playing it the first time would be a miracle. Somehow i kept track of all those legos tho...

Insert title here

So I mentioned in a previous post that I would get back to my take on Peter. I have no intention of turning my journal into a biblical reflections page or something that that effect... but sometimes i'm kinda excited to write about what I might be focusing on attm, and this is what's up now. This is about the gifts we're given, for our purpose... if you will. We are all "anointed" with our own unique gifts, talents, etc.

We often say we want to do this, or become that, in our lives. At least for me, it's been one of the hardest lessons to learn that we don't choose our calling in life... we don't choose what we've been anointed to become. It's given to us, and at a time we don't choose either.

Read on, and be patient with my thought process ;-)

The disciple given the name of Peter, by Jesus, (also known as Simon Peter, as he was originally Simon) was a brash, hotheaded, impulsive man. A man based on action, and not over-thinking. Peter was the first to be called to Jesus' side, and the first to confess Jesus was the Messiah. But Peter denies being his disciple vehemently, 3 times, as Jesus said would happen.

I'd heard the verses of Matthew 16:22-23 many times before, but never understood them well til recently. Jesus had just explained to the disciples how he would die, before this passage:

Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. "Never, Lord!" he said. "This shall never happen to you!"
Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."

Why did Jesus call him Satan? I never looked closer at why. Peter was a prideful man... to the point of having the nerve to basically claim he knew more than God. A claim that Satan would make. Peter had self-reliance, to a fault. He didn't stay loyal to Jesus' teachings at first, he didn't stay loyal to the truth he previously proclaimed. At the last supper, Jesus said:

"Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers."
~Luke 22:31-32

An indication that God knew Simon Peter would betray Jesus, and that when he had turned back to the truth, he would be called to strengthen others. Peter had the benefit of hearing his calling in life directly from the mouth of Jesus. In John 21:15-17, Peter was told to feed Jesus' lambs, take care of His sheep, and feed His sheep. I won't go into all of what that entails here.

But what's this sifting? I'm no farmer, but I know that chaff and anything foreign is separated from the wheat here. Satan would test Peter, trying to draw him out, sift him, and separate him from the faith, the flock, and his purpose.

What kind of weight do you think was on Peter, after realizing what he had done? What do you do after you've.... betrayed God?

Often, we isolate ourselves, and withdraw when we've failed. It's easy to throw in the towel, and just give up when it seems all is lost. This makes it so easy for Satan, for sin, to win out... divide and conquer. How the heck did Peter make it back to the disciples after this... after such a betrayal.

But Peter let God be God to him. He took what was coming to him, after the betrayal... but received grace instead. It's the same for us... when we fall, God's already planned our restoration, no matter how hard we fall. So long as we open our hearts to Him, and let Him be our Lord. Pride has no place, we can't do it all on our own.

In our weakest times, we often learn the most, and somehow we grow. Somehow, we must rejoice over the biggest trials in our lives, knowing we'll come out stronger in the end, knowing that God is allowing our suffering that it might draw us closer to Him.

Rejoice... your failures, in God's hands, are designed to be life for others. (Thanks, Pastor Mark.)

Peter found a deep repentance after his failure, and fulfilled the purpose Jesus gave to him, after proclaiming Jesus as the Messiah:

Jesus replied, "Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by man, but by my Father in heaven. And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven."
~Matthew 16:13-19

Peter was originally an ordinary fisherman... who can say he knew what his true purpose in life would be, who can say he knew what he would be anointed with before it was spoken. We're all made to fulfill some purpose in life, whatever that may be. We're all given talents to serve others in this world, and even our times of greatest failure can become the foundation for the greatest lessons learned, so in turn we add to God's glory in many ways through those lessons, those trials. Peter directly betrayed the son of God, and was still given the responsibility of building the foundations of the faith community we know today.

O holy night,
the stars are brightly shining;
It is the night
of the dear Savior’s birth!

Long lay the world
in sin and error pining,
Till He appeared
and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope,
the weary soul rejoices,
For yonder breaks
a new and glorious morn...

Merry Christmas, everyone :D

Over Coffee

Most of us spend enough time in the real world that we formally meet thousands of people over the years. I don't know about you but I can't remember half of their names 5 seconds after shaking their hand... usually when I meet multiple people at once. Being on staff in the res halls, I met and got to know more students than a grade school teacher, in any given year. But I didn't get anywhere near as good as some of my old teachers... how the heck do they remember me from everyone else after the first class period??? Sweetness.

And in any given day, I might hold conversations with dozens of people I know. But how many of those people would find time in their schedule, or myself in mine, to sit down and hold a conversation you wouldn't easily forget. How many friends share something more than how their day is going. Let's talk about the weather. Let's talk about the game tonight.

Of course, we don't have time or the energy to share everything with everyone, but a few always dig deeper. Even the completely crazy and spontaneous friends... some people are turned off by those I enjoy being around most ;-)

Non-surface conversations. (aka what this post is really about, if the rest doesn't make it obvious enough.) I value friends who make time for them, greatly. Especially for those who are honestly engaged in talking with you, and care for what you think as much as you care for their thoughts. For those that know when you need to go deeper into something you mention in passing. For the friends you can count on to get together and talk about anything, over coffee, or over nothing at all.

It doesn't have to be about anything in particular. I prefer to talk about things that actually affect our lives and our values, not to mention viewpoints that we might not have considered before, and life stories that lead into not only understanding the other person better but even understanding our own lives a little more too. It excites me to find friends who spontaneously ask you about something typically taboo or sensitive, or just find conversation over life's simplest blessings, and aren't prying in any way to judge or compare you. For those who enjoy intelligent conversation, but will laugh over the stupidest things. And I'm probably laughing too.

I've found so few of these friends over the years, and I don't think it's because I haven't met the right people. I can blame it on many things, and still wonder if I'm just not a naturally engaging person on a deeper level. But really, I'm a listener. I've worked to be a better catalyst for growth, for activities/thought with the things I've been involved in, but at heart I just like to work off of other people's thought processes, and build on them. My own insanely random thought patterns usually remain in my head, while others think better out loud. And sometimes I meet up with someone special that just wants to share. I build off of what others share, and use my enthusiasm to focus on something and take it to the next level. It's pretty easy being someone who's easily amused, and curious about most anything. :)

I hold a lot of respect for those who are quite knowledgeable about a subject yet open-minded, and will be honest with you regardless of if they think it might be offensive or hurtful. I greatly admire those who like to think deeply about life with others. The word "deep" can be misconstrued, but i'll just throw it out there. At the risk of sounding exclusionary, i'll just say I'm turned off by those that are content to inundate themselves with superficial things, only concerned with ephemeral matters. I wish I was better at helping them challenge themselves to value greater things. I'll also throw out that I tend to be inspired greatly by those that think in the context of what the bible teaches... those that can apply and change their lives readily according to what Jesus taught us. As I touched on briefly in my last post, that's a pretty much infinite source of wisdom.

We're a society of multi-taskers... one reason I've been resistant to conversing online over the years is not just because of how impersonal it is, but because the longer I wait for someone to respond, the less value it feels like they have for our conversation. This along with how much I gauge people on their tone of voice, inflection... and all the non-verbal messages, makes most online conversations feel limited. In turn, the less I feel entitled to share on my end... so things stay surface-based most of the time. It's not a given, but it's the usual theme.

I don't want to inadvertently offend anyone here either, those short conversations mean a lot too if it's our only chance to catch up with someone we really care about knowing is ok. Even with the closest friends, it's just a way to stay connected until you can get together for more.

I enjoy when large groups of friends get together... "the more the merrier", but I prefer a real conversation that won't turn into a circus of everyone waiting to get their word in. I'm turned off by those that are just waiting for the next turn to hear themselves speak. I've done it before, that while someone else is talking I'm just waiting for my chance to throw in my own view. Maybe we all have, and maybe for some it's all they know.

And i don't understand how I can't get through to a deeper level with some friends I really want to, even those I might know them quite well... and others can readily go there with me. I think it goes back to my tendency to be a listener, and not a catalyst of what I value talking about. It has something to do with chemistry. Chances are, if you know me well you also know I don't like to talk about myself unless it's apparent that I have to ;-) Something I'm slowly changing.

But it excites me to no end, when I find someone that's just honestly curious about what you think... or not even that... just glad you're there to share their thoughts with you, and they know you'll value them. And sometimes these friends make the greatest people to just relax with, time to wind down and say nothing at all. Sometimes they'll call just to share the silliest thing that just happened, or show up at your door to have someone to vent, or even cry to.

I kept some of them at bay over the years, for various foolish reasons, and others were just in my life for too short a time. Maybe it's just my own problem, but with those that I know I could be closer friends with, if we start off a certain way, I'm not sure how to get closer when I finally want to.

But I miss those friends, dearly. It didn't even have to be my significant other, but she'll have to be one of them to hold that kinda title anyway.

I wish I had one with me now.

Philosophy, and Transparency

I see the danger in waiting so long between posts, that I sit down to write and realize there's a number of things I have in queue on my mind. Well there's a heck of a lot that goes unsaid here, and I guess that fits in well to a topic that I'll touch on.

Journey Church recently went through a series titled Hungry... for what Matters Most. Have you ever been so hungry, that you stopped eating? That you prayed, without ceasing? The series talks about fasting, and it's amazing what fasting can help you do, not just for the über-spiritual as most think it's only for. I found it ironic that in this time my current church here in NY is touching on the same thing.

I haven't exactly stopped eating... but my hunger is unquenchable in another regard. There's many ways to pray... and it's now unceasing. There's wisdom to be found, and the search gives no rest.

I used to be big on Philosophy. There was even a time I considered it for my major. I realized a while back however, that if I had the time I would pretty much study EVERYTHING. Libraries would be a deathtrap if I didn't constantly fill up my time with responsibilities. But as a growing Christian, I'm coming to see that for myself it's purely academic to pursue studying such greats as Kierkegaard or Kant, in place of the Bible. If the Word of God had already been a priority in my life long ago, I might be more interested in fitting traditional philosophy in. But the bottom line is that of all the philo I've learned, the Bible either holds equivalent truth and far more, or the wisdom found therein is unshakable in contrast. I already revere Jesus as the greatest teacher who ever lived, and that goes without even mentioning the sacrifice he made for us, and the Father that made everything possible. I'm just discussing the pursuit of wisdom, and that wherever I go I am lead back to one source that never fails.

There's an article I'm basically pulling much of my thoughts on John from, here in a moment. I could give it due credit and just copy and paste, as the author is a much better writer than I. But I have my own perspective to mix in.

I find myself often asking why so many people feel the need to put up a facade... why sometimes people are so much better at portraying themselves as someone they're not, rather than just being themselves. I guess I'm confused partly because my philosophy is that if just being myself, and being completely truthful to others isn't good enough, then tough shiznit. I find it insanely easier to have nothing to hide, and let God take care of the rest. Ok so I realize that much of the world doesn't work that way and I would never survive as a used car salesman, but I can live with that.

We all know how hard it is to completely trust someone, especially when our past is marred by situations where trust has failed.

But as souls that were designed for companionship, we all need someone we can be completely vulnerable with. Someone we can fully trust to be exactly what they appear to be. We long to be completely transparent to someone else as well, someone that will be able to handle and understand our vulnerability, our weaknesses, and value them. The struggle between us finding this is a consequence of our sinful condition... the darkness and doubt we live in that keeps us from fully knowing ourselves, let alone others. Consider some verses from John:

Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.
-John 1:3-5

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.
- 1 John 1:5-7

Wow. There's trusting God, and the path to trusting each other in a nutshell. The ignorance and sin apart from the truth, aka God, is darkness. It does not know anything but the lies... the facade.

The less we understand ourselves, the further we are from revealing our true nature to others. The further we are from God, the more toxic we can be to others as well.

The closer we actually walk with God, the greater His light shines on us and through us, and in turn the less darkness there is between us... so we may better be able to help each other grow, when we understand what the other needs.

We may never be able to trust one another as we do God... we can still learn to trust, just imperfectly. But the key here is that we can only have real fellowship with one another through Him, as he is the light of our lives and the light of our relationships with one another. Very recently in my life I have learned this the hard way, that we can not truly understand and find fellowship with one another except through God. I should have listened closer to John long ago, as when he continued this revelation with:

"i am the vine, you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing... I have told you this so that my joy will be in you and that your joy may be complete."
~John 15:5-11

God can be counted on, completely. There is no "dark side" to God. Unlike those we might have unwisely trusted in our lives, He will not betray our confidence, He will not abandon us, He will not mislead us. Circumstances in life may make it seem like there is a dark side to God... lets not even get into the argument of how such an all-loving God would allow such evil in our lives... but John reminds us that God is life, and light. Evil is the work of Satan.

Speaking of evil, or great failures, Jesus is also known as the savior of great failures. The story of Peter is a story of deep repentance, and of victory over darkness. It's about the changing of a heart, of learning that NONE of us know more than God knows, to never fall into self-reliance. The easiest way Satan can win is to divide and conquer... pretty much what happens when we fail each other, isolate ourselves, and fail in fellowship... the time when it's easiest for us to fall into sin.

I admire Peter greatly in one regard... he let God be God to him. He didn't duck and run when he knew he failed, he took what was coming to him. And in turn he received grace instead. I'll leave the story to another post, as this one has gone on long enough ;-)

Breaking News: Economists declare water at least 50 percent wet!

and lawyers declare that i didn't just steal that from a newsletter.

Neither statement has anything to do with this post.

First video test 1..2...3...

Love Song for a Savior.

If there's one album that's proven itself timeless, it's Jars of Clay's self titled release, circa 1995. If you don't listen to them, chances are you've at least heard the single Flood.

It's one of those albums that play as a soundtrack to my years, with messages that directly speak to my life more every time I hit play and tones that hit dead on to where I've been and what I hope to find. Ok so maaaaybe I skip over a couple songs, but if you ever want to get into my head this is a good start.

I've listened briefly to a few other albums of theirs... I think i'll start playing those to see what they've really been up to for oh, the last 13 years. You'd think I would have followed them closer like The Goo Goo Dolls, but I think Jars got lost in my obsession with 90s Rock through high school and into undergrad. They even toured with Sting and Matchbox 20 at one point when their hits crossed over to rock popularity, but I was never big into live shows until late in high school. Not to mention the fact that the keyboardist's dad was my childhood Dentist, haha... a couple founding members are from my hometown. I once asked the dental hygienist why there was a humongous poster of the band hanging on the wall, and there's your answer. Maybe I'll schedule another appointment to see if I can get tix to their next appearance around here ;-)

~

Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's....
You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.
~2 Chronicles 20:15,17